Monday, May 21, 2012

May 21, 2012

BEFORE YOU READ: I need to vent. My thoughts have become over whelming. I need to do something. I need to reach too people. I hope you guys can just read and STFU no comments. Unless you are trying too help me. 

 Lately, I have felt as though I am drifting away from the people I was once close too. I feel like my world has become smaller. I try to smile all the time but tears fall instead. The go lucky girl I once knew is fading. I am quieter and hiding my feelings. I am trying to go on but life has become hard. I want to be alone but that is nearly impossible. Every where I turn someone is there. My thoughts have become filled with questions and no answers. Concentrating has become hard I can't read and do math with out messing up anymore. My school work I think has began too suffer. My mind is just in lost. I am on a roller coaster I just want to get off. I want too leave it. It isn't fun anymore. I have a headache and I am sick of it. What must I do to feel like myself again? Will I remain like this forever? Am I going through a stage? No, no I can't be, but would cause me too think like this? Where has my real smile gone. Where have I gone. I need something or someone too fix this. To help me... I don't I can do this on my own. I don't think I can be happy by myself. I need to be able to confine in someone. I need someone I can open my WHOLE heart too not just pieces and bits of it. I need to be able to have someone understand me and not be questioned for my thoughts and feelings. I need to feel loved. I do know don't get me wrong. I have a whole family who loves me believe me I know I have their love and support. But I have always felt as though my thoughts and feelings have never been understood by someone. I am always hiding my true feelings and making people like me. I feel as though I am just there for most people. I feel as though I will be throne out too the trash one day. All alone with no one. I am just me. But no one understands. No one, why? Why am I always misunderstood. Why, is the world I knew just tossed to the side because people didn't like their life. Why did they have too affect mines. WHY, must I have a super ego family who doesn't give two craps about anyone else but themselves. Why do people constantly talk crap behind my back. Why are people fake and liars. Why must people question my beliefs.  I just want too be me. But it has become harder as the days pass by. I hope one day I will be able to smile and mean it. I hope I will be me again. NO better than me. Someone I will be happy someone who isn't afraid anymore. Someone who can stand up too anyone and face anything. I will one day, I just have too push forward and move on and ONE DAY in the future. In the FAR future I will smile and be loved and someone or everyone will understand me. I will, I must be patient and hope for the best future.

                                                                    Kassandra Elizabeth Marinaro